Chapter 7: Childish Thinking (2)
A few days later, I found myself with Adam Hyung and the mercenary group.
I was calling him Hyung because he was two years older than me.
We patiently waited in a lengthy queue, anticipating our turn for the entrance interview.
“…Humans?”
Soon, it was our turn.
A mercenary member in charge of the entrance came out and waved his to Adam Hyung.
There was a subtle hint of disdain and disregard in his mention of our race.
However, Adam Hyung responded in a resounding voice.
"Yes, that's correct."
"...Well, whatever. It doesn't matter. You pass."
Without making eye contact with anyone, I also faced the interviewer without any difficulty.
I thought it would be something like a physical fitness test or a medical examination. But the lizardman with no enthusiasm explained to us insincerely.
"Step back. There's a seating area; wait there momentarily. We'll inform you about the mercenary group's regulations and training when the time comes."
“Let’s go.”
I quickly lost interest in the careless lizardman and followed behind Adam Hyung
But it seemed like Adam Hyung also had a feeling about our easy entrance, as he said to me.
"It doesn't matter how we enter anyway."
“…”
“Because this is a place where the game is decided by quantity rather than quality. We'll sacrifice dozens to kill one monster.”
Upon comprehending the entrance explanation, his words rang true.
Even to someone like me who didn't know anything, it was clear that the mercenary group had little concern for the well-being of its members.
“Meals are twice a day! The training schedule will be different from day to day!”
It was very different from the great life they promised.
Life as a mercenary was not much different from life in the slums.
While the high-ranking officers of the mercenary group might live a glorious life, those like me and Adam Hyung could only survive well enough to preserve our lives.
Cold nights, meager food rations, paltry pay, and inconsistent training based on the officers' whims...
Nevertheless, the lower-ranked mercenaries clung to hope, dreaming of one-day becoming officers themselves.
The senior mercenaries who had joined earlier would mock other groups, boasting about the true rewards that awaited them after a mission—they could drink and be with women to their heart's content.
Some might have been grateful for such opportunities, but I felt that even at the cost of my life, it was a pitiful trade-off.
Of course, I didn't care because I joined not only with the desire to kill monsters but also with complex circumstances mixed in.
Adam Hyung always told me, "Just hold on a little longer, Berg. Like I said, someday I will form my own mercenary group. And my mercenaries will feel and be very different from this."
“…”
I didn’t really care about what he said.
At that time, I had no room for leisure.
A few more weeks passed like this.
The whole world was worried about the explosively increasing number of monsters.
The ruined village and the dying lives also increased accordingly.
Numerous mercenary groups were formed, and everyone had more than enough work.
I had no choice but to believe in the stories about the demon king.
Even when I tried not to think about it, worries about Sien were the only thoughts lingering within me.
She was the girl who made it impossible for me to pursue or wait for her.
And as my mind grew more tangled, I turned to personal training with a wooden sword alongside Adam.
Through the intense sessions, drenched in sweat, I managed to momentarily release my thoughts about Sien.
Sometimes, training became a more powerful remedy than anything else.
The pain in my heart eased a little, and my shoulders felt lighter.
I preferred my body to be exhausted rather than my mind and heart.
Adam Hyung had once told me that if I were to die, I should die as a prominent mercenary, but he, more than anyone else, would not let me die.
If I made a mistake during practice, he would yell, criticize, and get angry.
“Hey, you idiot! You will die, if you do that!!”
“…”
“Again!”
He showed more enthusiasm than the training instructor of the mercenary group.
Adam Hyung never rested.
He practiced the sword with me, again and again.
Knowing that his scolding came from concern, I didn't feel bad about it.
I slowly realized that people could be kind.
I gradually became addicted to training, just like him.
As I spent my days like that, Adam Hyung and I were building friendships even if we didn’t want to.
Even without friendly exchanges, there was a sense of trust that accumulated between us.
Even without words, there was a sense of reassurance when we were together.
Our tumultuous life in the mercenary group contributed to that.
Due to our significantly lower physical abilities compared to other races, we often faced conflicts.
The sight of us doing personal training might have been an annoyance to them.
The fact because we were human, it seemed like they considered us as targets they could harass.
"Did you say your name was Berg? Don't mess with me-"
– Whack!
We watched out for each other.
If someone provoked me, Adam Hyung would step in and start a fight.
If someone provoked Adam Hyung, I would step in and start a fight.
Both Adam Hyung and I were from the slums, so it might have been a habit ingrained in our bodies.
We had to look out for each other as much as possible.
Ignoring our own side would only leave us alone later on.
Sometimes, more than that, I just wanted to release the accumulated anger.
If the mercenary group had been a better place, such misconduct would not have been tolerated.
However, the mercenary group we joined was a mess like no other, so fights among the members were considered a way of sorting out ranks or even a form of entertainment.
Adam Hyung and I only took the fights that came our way.
We didn't want to waste our strength on unnecessary things... Instinctively, we knew that it wasn't good to be so discordant in a mercenary group where it was important for the members to stick together.
Nevertheless, we couldn't afford to be ignored, so we had no choice but to fight.
Since there weren’t that many Humans in this large mercenary group, we came to rely on each other.
As we continued our lives like that, Adam Hyung and I were preparing for our first campaign.
We received training that I didn't know if I could call training, and I held a sword and shield in my hands.
We wore worn leather helmets on our heads and torn, blood-stained leather armor on our bodies.
Perhaps these armors were recovered from someone’s corpse.
Wearing them made death feel closer than ever.
But that chilling sensation made me strangely happy.
Because it replaced the pain of leaving Sien behind, even if only a little bit.
I always wondered what Sien would say if she saw me now.
I remember the day I saw a monster for the first time.
They were similar to the animals with unfamiliar features were gradually added.
A deer with three eyes, a wolf with two heads, winged monsters…
...And at the center was a massive, unidentified monster.
The mercenary group we joined was quite large, so we often faced formidable monsters.
The officers would deliver morale-boosting speeches to inspire us.
"From here on, you must prove your worth! Only those who survive and rise above will be able to enjoy a prosperous life! Don't worry, you've received enough training!"
The figure behind us raised his sword high and spoke.
"Don't forget what you were taught! There's always a leader among the monster packs! If you hunt down that leader, the rest will be easy!"
Adam Hyung and I didn't pay attention to such words from the officers.
We were talking to each other through conversation.
“Berg. Don’t forget that the two of us decided to stick together.”
“I know.”
"Forget the training we learned in the mercenary group. Remember only the practice we did together."
“I know.”
"Trust only me. If it gets dangerous, I'll save you."
Despite speaking confidently, Adam Hyung's hand was trembling.
“Don’t be afraid.”
“Hey man, I am excited. It's not because I'm scared, but because I'm pumped up."
Then the commander of the mercenary group shouted.
"The God of War, Dian, is watching over us! Charge!!"
Adam Hyung proved his words. Even on our first mission, he displayed tremendous skill and achieved remarkable feats.
He outshone even the assault squad leader of the mercenary group.
It was Adam Hyung who successfully hunted down the leader of the monster pack.
It was almost unbelievable where such talent emerged from.
He shone brightly in battle, showcasing exceptional talent.
Certainly, the rewards after the task were generous.
Money that couldn't be easily touched came into our hands.
But Adam Hyung was a man who knew how to keep his word.
Like he said when he was preparing to form a mercenary group, he saved his rewards and refrained from spending them on alcohol, delicious food, or women.
He carried the burden of death, the mental pressure from quarrels among the mercenaries, as if they were nothing.
Although I wasn't particularly interested, one day I asked him.
“Isn’t it hard?”
It was a question about not enjoying any entertainment.
"I'm enduring it now to live comfortably in the future."
But he remained unwavering, driven by his strong beliefs, heading towards his dream.
On the other hand, I bought and drank at least some alcohol to forget the Sien that always came to my mind every night.
I was able to save quite a bit of money, as I didn’t do things like delicious food or women, of course.
However, there were times when I thought my hyung was amazing.
If I only had Sien by my side, I would have lived with her comfortably through the money I had earned at the cost of my life. I wouldn't have hesitated to spend money.
I just couldn’t think of pursuing other pleasures because Sien wasn’t by my side.
****
Six months had passed.
We were getting used to fighting monsters.
I shook off the rigidity I had during my first mission, and now I was starting to relax even in the midst of battle.
"Berg, want to make a bet?"
"What kind of bet?"
"Who can score more kills."
"Stop messing around and focus."
"Alright, today's bet is on the drinks."
"...Sigh."
“Why are you sighing again?”
"...Even if I win, you won't pay up."
"I'll pay up today!"
We were using lighthearted pranks to cope with the pressure on the battlefield.
We were gradually getting used to the occasional death of our comrades.
No. Rather than getting used to it… We were learning how to cope with it.
Cleaning up the bodies, holding funerals, and sharing cheap alcohol helped alleviate the shock.
As mercenaries, our lives were as expendable as those of flies.
The comrades we had conversations with every day were gone.
Frequently, it was a matter of luck who lived and who died.
Of course, hyung and I probably had a higher chance of survival than others.
We kept our distance from women, avoided alcohol, and focused on training.
Even so, the pressure of knowing that we could die if luck wasn't on our side was always with us.
But we overcame even that.
Being with Adam Hyung, I gradually regained my laughter.
"...Hyung, I thought you were done for."
"Why would I die? By the way, I kill five?"
"...Hehe. I got the boss monster."
"Well, I threw my body around and cleared the area, so of course."
Looking at his optimistic or heroic performance, small smiles came out of me.
Sometimes he looked stupid, but there was always a smile at the end of his stupid actions.
Adam Hyung was also a caring person.
One day, he asked me why I had been like that in the slums.
But when he saw my unanswered expression, he changed the subject, saying he had made a mistake.
After that, he never asked about it again.
But I knew he was still curious.
Nevertheless, he prioritized his relationship with me over his own curiosity.
The more I saw him, the more I realized what an amazing person he was.
In a way, it was natural for me to trust him.
I gradually felt comfortable following him.
.
.
.
Two years had passed in the first mercenary group.
I was 19 years old and had become an adult.
The pain of Sien still lingered within me, but it no longer overwhelmed me like before.
I no longer drink alcohol the way I used to.
I still miss her... But at the same time, I now understood our separation.
It was after accepting the fate that we couldn't be together.
Just as I had bid farewell to many people within the mercenary group, I tried to think of leaving her as just one of the many partings.
However, that immature separation from back then now felt trivial.
If I think about it, she sacrificed herself for everyone’s comfort.
Why did I only utter words that would hurt her?
If I could turn back time, I would... I would offer her my blessings.
...Blessings...
...Could I genuinely offer my blessings?
...Occasionally, rumors would circulate about the party of warriors that Sien had joined.
It seemed that she was no longer called Sien, but a saintess.
She saved countless people, protected many, and seemed to purify the lands tainted by magic.
I felt like the cowardly crybaby Sien I knew had disappeared.
The more the saintess gained such a high reputation, the farther the distance between us felt.
I tried not to think about it anymore.
I decided to consider the time I spent with her as a blessing.
I regarded the moments we shared as sweet dreams.
She was someone who had a different purpose for being born into this world.
Perhaps she realized that and made the decision not to come back.
But to be honest…I was still curious.
'Is Sien also thinking of me?'
Was our time together precious to her, or were they, as she once said, foolish memories that she could forget and move on from?
How much impact did my existence have on her?
What would she say if she saw me continuing my life as a mercenary?
…No matter what she would say, it doesn’t matter anymore.
The mercenary life, which had begun with resentment towards her, had now become something I had grown accustomed to.
– – – End of Chapter – – –
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