Chapter 55: Like a Moth to a Flame (2)

 

-Thump.

 

Adam Hyung and the Elf elder disappear behind the door.

 

Only Arwin and I were left in the quiet room.

 

It was a strangely familiar situation.

 

It probably would have been like this with Ner as well in the past.

 

“...”

 

“...”

 

One difference was that Arwin looked more confident than Ner.

 

Standing upright, she maintained her cold expression.

 

She wasn’t swayed by the eerie atmosphere that seemed to fill the room.

 

I was well aware that I’d put myself in a rather awkward situation.

 

Was it right to become intimate with someone you’ve barely exchanged a word or two with?

 

Especially when that person seemed reluctant.

 

Of course, there would be plenty of people who’d make a different choice.

 

Some might be entranced by Arwin’s beauty and choose to ignore the signs, diving headlong into intimacy.

 

But I didn’t want that.

 

If a husband doesn’t cherish his wife, then who will?

 

Maybe seeing the nearly wilted World Tree leaf of Arwen influenced my feelings.

 

“...Would you like a drink?”

 

While I was in such thought, Arwin broke the silence to ask.

 

With her back to me, she turned her head slightly.

 

“...”

 

I nodded.

 

Reaching for the bottle of liquor set in the corner of the room, Arwin poured the drink into a glass.

 

She then slowly approached and handed me the glass.

 

“...Please, have a seat.”

 

She suggested.

 

Taking the glass, I sit down on a nearby chair.

 

Arwin did the same, holding her glass and sitting across from me.

 

Soon after, I took a whiff of the liquor.

 

It had a pungent scent of herbs, which was quite unique.

 

“What’s the name of this drink?”

 

I asked.

 

“It’s Bardi liquor. A traditional elf beverage,” Arwin replied.

 

I nodded my head and took a sip of the drink she offered.

 

Arwin just gazed at me intently without touching her glass.

 

When I had emptied about half of the glass, I set it down and asked, “Aren’t you drinking?”

 

“I don’t like alcohol.”

 

“...”

 

She must have poured the drink to facilitate a conversation with me.

 

“So, what is it?”

 

I caught on to her intention and steered the conversation towards the main subject.

 

We needed to be open with each other.

 

We couldn’t build a relationship based on pretense from the beginning.

 

Arwin narrowed her sharp eyes in response to my question.

 

With her long, white fingers, she lightly tapped her untouched glass before speaking softly.

 

“I heard from Ner. She said that you—the Vice-captain—”

 

“—It’s Berg.”

 

Hearing my words, she corrected herself after a brief pause.

 

“—Berg, is really... a kind person among humans.”

 

I let out a small smile.

 

“Ner said that about me?”

 

“She said you’re someone who’s understanding and easy to communicate with.”

 

I nodded and took another sip from the glass.

 

While the taste hadn’t fully grown on me yet, I found the liquor appealing.

 

I felt that given time, I could come to enjoy it.

 

“So, what then?”

 

I prompt her to continue the conversation.

 

Arwin didn’t hesitate.

 

“I can offer you my body.”

 

“...”

 

“And if needed, I can even bear your child. But please don’t expect more than that from me.”

 

I sensed her character in how forthrightly she articulated her stance.

 

I asked, “What do you mean by ‘don’t expect more’?”

 

Arwin looked up at me with her cold eyes and said, “...Even if I bear a child, I won’t pour affection into it, nor will I share marital love with you. The moment our contract ends... which is to say, when you die, I will leave.”

 

“...”

 

I cleared my throat.

 

Should I feel relieved that she didn’t fear me?

 

I had expected this sort of conversation, but still, I couldn’t help but feel a tinge of regret.

 

Why did it always have to start like this?

 

In hindsight, perhaps even Adam Hyung deserved a punch from me for setting all this up.

 

This juvenile thought brought another smile to my face.

 

Arwin frowned at my smile, and I quickly changed my expression, waving my hand dismissively.

 

“I’m sorry, it’s not about you.”

 

“...”

 

“So, why?”

 

I asked.

 

Arwin shrugged as if it should be obvious.

 

“Our races are different.”

 

“We are married.”

 

“But it’s not because we’re in love, right?”

 

“...So, we should work even harder.”

 

Arwin shook her head.

 

“We are too different. I belong to a long-lived race. Elves live up to 800 years. In my case, due to some unique factors, I could live up to 1300 years.”

 

I was genuinely shocked by this revelation.

 

“1300 years?”

 

“Yes. But how long will you, a member of a short-lived race, live?”

 

“...”

 

“At most 80 years. You have what, 60 years left? And that’s assuming nothing goes wrong. In my perspective, your time is but a fleeting moment. One day I might even forget that you ever existed.”

 

Arwin’s expression remained cold and stoic.

 

For a moment, I wondered just how long she had been living with that icy countenance.

 

Living a life without laughter would surely have been hard.

 

I couldn’t tell if her pessimistic outlook was characteristic of elves or the result of a joyless life.

 

“How could I love you, when you will only live for 60 years? Turn the tables—could you love a being that would only live for 6 or 7 years?”

 

6 years. Or 7 years.

 

It was another way to complicate time.

 

I found myself lost in thought.

 

Then, almost unconsciously, I uttered, “Perhaps.”

 

“What?”

 

“... No, you’re right. It would definitely be difficult.”

 

“It’s too short a time. Even too short for feelings to change. That’s why I’m telling you from the get-go. I’ll fulfill my obligations, but don’t expect anything more.”

 

“...”

 

“If you need that, seek it from Ner. If Ner can’t give it to you, then you may bring in a new wife. I won’t complain. But don’t expect love or devotion from me.”

 

I took another sip from my glass. It was not that I didn’t understand her point.

 

I could even find it somewhat reasonable.

 

“...I can’t.”

 

But that didn’t mean I could accept it.

 

Arwin’s cold expression broke.

 

Her eyes narrowed.

 

“What?”

 

“It won’t work, not like that. Now that we’re married, we’re going to live like a married couple.”

 

“As I said—”

 

“—To you, it may be but a fleeting moment.”

 

I looked at Arwin.

 

Her lips tighten for a moment.

 

“...But it’s a lifetime for me.”

 

“...”

 

“I don’t want to live awkwardly with my wife for a lifetime. Even if you’re an elf, 60 years isn’t a short time. It may be short compared to your lifetime, but it’s not like time flows faster for you, right?”

 

“...”

 

Then my glass ran empty.

 

Arwin confirmed this, then pushed her own glass toward me.

 

I accepted her light gesture of goodwill with a smile.

 

And then, letting out a sigh, I broke the tense atmosphere.

 

“Our beginning is rather peculiar, isn’t it? Talking negatively like this won’t change anything from now on. May we speak freely?”

 

Arwin mumbled, clearly not thrilled about it.

 

“...Do as you wish.”

 

“Alright, Arwin. I understand too. But issues like giving your body to have a child... these are matters too early to worry about now. It’s pointless to dwell on them.”

 

“...”

 

“You might have broached this topic first due to your concern that I’d force you, but if you’re not willing, I won’t force you to be intimate either.”

 

“...That’s good, then.”

 

“Just because we skipped steps and jumped into marriage doesn’t mean we have to rush everything else. Though, I don’t know how much we’ll need to pretend for the public.”

 

At this, Arwin nodded as if she had already anticipated such a requirement.

 

“I intend to fulfill my public obligations. If you need me to act, I can act. But that’s it.”

 

“I’m saying let’s not be awkward about it. Instead, let’s start as friends.”

 

Arwin’s eyebrows twitched.

 

“Friends?”

 

“There’s no elven law saying you can’t be friends with short-lived species, is there?”

 

“...”

 

“Anyway, since we’re going to spend a certain amount of time together, let’s make it pleasant.”

 

“...”

 

“Even if you leave without a second thought after my death, let’s make it a time worth reminiscing. Time will sort out our current worries. Ah, you elves believe in the power of time, don’t you? Time will solve everything.”

 

Arwin’s piercing gaze turned toward me, then lowered again.

 

I said,

 

“I don’t want to talk like this when we’ve barely made our vows.”

 

She chuckled at this.

 

“Those vows? They were just formalities, weren’t they? Same goes for you, right?”

 

I shrugged my shoulders.

 

“I was sincere.”

 

“A lie. How can you vow to make someone happy and protect them for a lifetime when you don’t even like them? Who would do such a foolish thing?”

 

“We’re married, aren’t we?”

 

“...”

 

“You don’t have to believe me. Whether you do or not, I’ll act the same.”

 

The alcohol started to kick in. This Bardi liquor must be rather strong.

 

I rose from my seat and took off my top.

 

Arwin’s body tensed up, and her eyes, which were starting to soften, sharpened again.

 

Her long ears fluttered briefly.

 

“See? All that talk and yet, in the end...”

 

“That’s not it. I normally sleep like this. Let’s relax, Arwin. It’s been a long day.”

 

“...Huh?”

 

-Thump.

 

I grabbed Arwin’s wrist and led her.

 

Every time I touched her, her skin felt cold. I wondered if this was a characteristic of elves.

 

“...Ah.”

 

Arwin resisted my touch with a feeble strength.

 

Assuming it was a misunderstanding that would eventually clear up, I guided her onto the bed.

 

She collapsed limply onto the mattress.

 

I, too, slumped down beside her.

 

Arwin quickly sat up, but I simply remained still.

 

“I told you, we’re not doing anything.”

 

I reminded her, sensing that she still didn’t fully trust my words.

 

Was it the effects of the alcohol?

 

Everything started to feel tedious.

 

This wasn’t the marital life I envisioned.

 

I wanted a relationship where we could simply wrap up the day with lighthearted conversations and entertaining stories.

 

“Let’s just talk and sleep.”

 

“...Talk?”

 

“How old did you say you were, Arwin?”

 

“...170 years.”

 

“Is it acceptable for someone not yet an adult to marry?”

 

“...The elders don’t care about such things.”

 

Suddenly, a question came to mind.

 

“I’ve heard that elves from Celebrien can’t leave the territory until they reach adulthood.”

 

Arwin nodded her head, a bit belatedly.

 

“That’s true.”

 

“So, you coming to our village is...”

 

“...the first time I would leave the territory.”

 

“It must’ve been quite intriguing for you.”

 

“...Naturally.”

 

I smiled at the conversation that was unfolding smoothly.

 

Yes, this was it. I wanted this sort of dialogue more than emotional fights.

 

Why did we have to go through pointless exchanges when we could have had this from the start?

 

As drowsiness and intoxication mingled, old memories resurfaced.

 

There was always a particular topic of conversation we would delve into at times like this.

 

Late at night, when it was just the two of us.

 

It was a subject well-suited for casual chatter.

 

Eventually, I asked Arwin, who had maintained her silence.

 

“...Do you have a dream, Arwin?”

 

At first, Arwin scowled as if wondering why on Earth I would bring up such a topic. However, perhaps understanding that it was a question posed under the influence, she quietly replied.

 

“...I want to travel the world, as much as I’ve been oppressed.”

 

“Oppressed?”

 

“...You don’t need to know. Anyway...I want to spend my long life traveling and seeing the world.”

 

A glimmer of light entered her otherwise cold eyes.

 

Her gaze twinkled, tinged with nostalgia and perhaps a dash of childlike wonder.

 

Maybe that was why I asked her.

 

‘...I want to travel the world. It was fun traveling with my parents. I want to show you the things I’ve seen...’

 

The voice that made a corner of my heart ache echoed again.

 

For a moment, I blinked my drowsy eyes and said to Arwin,

 

“...If there’s a place you want to see, let’s go together.”

 

“...Huh?”

 

“We’re mercenaries, after all...we roam around...Ner would like it too...”

 

For the first time, Arwin’s expression relaxed.

 

It was far from a smile, but it wasn’t a guarded look either.

 

She slowly nestled her body beside mine.

 

It seemed she was letting her guard down because I was drowsy.

 

“...That sounds good...”

 

Arwin whispered.

 

Though she didn’t complete her sentence, I could tell it was a suggestion to her liking.

 

Soon, my body relaxed.

 

My consciousness flickered.

 

And then someone asked me,

 

‘Do you have a dream?’

 

Was it Arwin, or someone from distant memories?

 

I pondered the question for a moment.

 

Then, I drifted off to sleep.

 

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –