Chapter 21: Honest Feelings

 

Three days had passed since White Day.

 

It wasn’t until Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday that I became certain.

 

Lately, Eun-ha was avoiding me.

 

That was my final conclusion.

 

Was the homemade chocolate too much? Or was she just shy?

 

Whatever the reason, it was clear that Eun-ha was currently avoiding me.

 

I had evidence.

 

I tried to greet Eun-ha in the morning, but she deliberately avoided making eye contact with me.

 

She disappeared somewhere during lunchtime, saying she had made plans to eat with Jeong Harim.

 

Even yesterday, on Thursday’s night study session, she went home early, claiming she had something to do.

 

Did I make her feel too pressured?

 

Perhaps it would have been more reasonable to stick to a ready-made one?

 

I felt a bit hurt that she started avoiding me all of a sudden.

 

Was she going to skip tonight’s study session as well?

 

If she did that, I would really feel hurt.

 

“What are you thinking so deeply about?”

 

“Nothing much.”

 

“Then lighten up your face. You look really scary right now.”

 

“What’s wrong with my expression?”

 

“It’s like a hunter chasing after a deer.”

 

“What does that even mean?”

 

If we were going to get specific, maybe Eun-ha was the deer and I was the hunter.

 

After a brief conversation with Yujin, I looked toward Eun-ha—or should I say, the deer.

 

But then, swiftly, Eun-ha’s gaze shifted forward.

 

I was sure she was looking at me... or was it just my imagination?

 

Or do my eyes really look like those of a hunter right now?

 

“I just can’t figure out why she’s acting like this.”

 

“Why? Who? Shin Eun-ha?”

 

“She doesn’t seem angry or anything... I don’t know.”

 

If she were angry, she wouldn’t have looked in my direction to begin with.

 

But if she was not angry, then why was she avoiding me? That was the question.

 

Is she shy? Does that mean her feelings toward me have changed?

 

I couldn’t think of any other reason for now.

 

I had never been in a proper relationship, so I never assumed that I was doing a good job at approaching a girl.

 

That was why I had always been cautious... Yet, I couldn’t help but wonder if I had been too eager.

 

But no matter how much I thought about it, this didn’t seem like a reason for her to avoid me.

 

I was just so confused.

 

“I’m going to the canteen, you want to come? I’m hungry.”

 

“It’s only been one period since lunch, didn’t you eat?”

 

“I did, but the food today was terrible, so I didn’t eat much. So, are you coming or not?”

 

“Let’s go. I could at least have a glass of cider.”

 

“Is something bothering you? Feel free to spill the beans.”

 

“What are you talking about? Let’s just go. Do they have cider at the canteen?”

 

“They had Cola last time I checked. Probably no cider.”

 

“Guess I’ll settle for regular cola then.”

 

Yujin and I left the classroom and reached the canteen.

 

I got a Cola, and Yujin bought a bread roll as we headed back to class.

 

“Hey, you haven’t been hanging out with Shin Eun-ha these days. Did you guys have a fight?”

 

“You have a knack for picking up on unnecessary details. No, we didn’t fight. But it does feel like some distance has grown between us.”

 

“I noticed you guys aren’t eating together or walking home together lately.”

 

“That’s what I’ve been wondering about too. Maybe she’s focusing on studying since the mock exams are next week.”

 

“That suddenly makes me depressed. They say the March mock exams predict your college entrance exam scores... I’m worried.”

 

“Don’t worry about it too much. It’s all up to you.”

 

“You talk as if you’ve already taken the college entrance exam.”

 

Ah, that’s right.

 

“It’s just something people say. Let’s think positively.”

 

“Sometimes you act like an old man, you know?”

 

“Say I’m mature. It sounds better.”

 

“Old man.”

 

“You bastard, I swear...”

 

“Ah, right. I’ll drop by Class 8 for a bit, so you can go ahead.”

 

“Okay, but we don’t have much time before the bell rings, so hurry back.”

 

“Alright.”

 

It was right when I was about to enter the classroom, sipping on my cola...

 

I ran into Eun-ha, who was on her way out of the classroom.

 

“Ah-ha, hey Han-gyeol.”

 

“Um...”

 

I looked at Eun-ha cautiously,

 

With eyes akin to a hunter watching its prey.

 

“Can you move a bit? I need to get by...”

 

It was frustrating.

 

I had always known that Eun-ha could be a little stifling.

 

She was the contemplative type, which could be seen as cautious but also a little frustrating.

 

Especially when it came to human interactions.

 

“Eun-ha.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Why have you been avoiding me lately?”

 

I wanted to clear up this frustration as soon as possible.

 

To do that, I needed to have an honest conversation with Eun-ha.

 

I needed a dialogue that was, to some extent, persistent enough to get a reasonable explanation.

 

“Uh...?”

 

Eun-ha looked puzzled, but I didn’t say anything.

 

I just stared at her, wanting a different answer.

 

But Eun-ha couldn’t say anything and simply lowered her head.

 

Then she spoke, in an almost inaudible voice.

 

“That’s not it...”

 

No matter how much I thought I knew about her, I couldn’t know everything.

 

What I knew was limited to the Eun-ha of the past.

 

I couldn’t know what the present Eun-ha was thinking.

 

In other words, if she didn’t tell me, I couldn’t fully understand.

 

I knew and understood that Eun-ha wasn’t the best at expressing herself.

 

But if it continued like this, it was going to be a problem for any kind of relationship between Eun-ha and me.

 

“It’s not like that? Recently, you don’t even say hello to me in the mornings. As soon as lunchtime hits, you vanish. And yesterday, you left without doing night study, saying you had something going on. You’ve been acting like this ever since I gave you that chocolate gift... Did it make you uncomfortable? Or did you not like it?”

 

I wanted to know.

 

What Eun-ha was thinking.

 

Why she was avoiding me.

 

“Well, that is not...”

 

“Then what is the reason?”

 

“I have, um, reasons. I have to go!”

 

But all I could do was watch Eun-ha’s retreating figure.

 

It was frustrating, but I couldn’t bring myself to be angry at her for this alone.

 

I knew from the start that Eun-ha was the frustrating type.

 

Besides, my heart was pounding just from making brief eye contact; there was nothing I could do.

 

***

 

I couldn’t focus at all during the sixth period.

 

Let’s objectively summarize the situation.

 

The reason Eun-ha was avoiding me boiled down to one of two things.

 

Either she felt burdened by the homemade chocolate I gave her, or there had been a change in her feelings towards me.

 

If I had to guess which, I’d say the latter was more likely.

 

The first piece of evidence was Eun-ha’s expression.

 

Her visibly flushed face was the most logical reason to consider it.

 

Besides, even if she felt burdened, it was not like Eun-ha to so blatantly avoid me.

 

If she was truly uncomfortable, she’d likely have gradually distanced herself from me.

 

In other words, suddenly putting this kind of distance between us was hard to swallow.

 

However, I couldn’t completely rule out the former possibility.

 

What if Eun-ha felt so overwhelmed she couldn’t even speak?

 

While it was unlikely for now, what if that was the case?

 

Damn. I’m beginning to understand those dense and clueless male protagonists a bit.

 

If I misjudged the situation, a downward spiral was inevitable, so I had to consider every possibility.

 

Charging ahead blindly wasn’t appropriate for the current situation.

 

The risk was too high if I was wrong.

 

Especially for teenagers and men in their 20s, the most dangerous thing was to mistake a girl’s intentions, thinking she liked them.

 

I had seen more than a few cases where someone made that mistake, took the plunge, and faced a setback.

 

In short, this was a critical juncture that would determine the future of my relationship with Eun-ha.

 

Should I push since I’ve pulled before?

 

No, that would be a complete disaster if I got pushed away in return.

 

Besides, I didn’t quite understand the concept of pushing away someone I liked.

 

But continuing to pull might make the situation worse.

 

Screw it. I would just be myself.

 

There was no use in worrying; a clear answer wasn’t going to come.

 

Eun-ha had always been a frustrating type to deal with, so I would just have to ask her directly.

 

“Han-gyeol, I’ll go ahead. Have a great weekend.”

 

“Sure. Take care. Enjoy your weekend.”

 

Yujin hurriedly grabbed his bag and left the classroom.

 

One by one, the students filed out until it was just Eun-ha and me left alone in the room.

 

I strode over to Eun-ha’s desk.

 

Since Jeong Harim wasn’t at her seat, I sat next to Eun-ha.

 

“Hey, Eun-ha.”

 

“Huh?! Why, Han-gyeol?”

 

“You’re not avoiding me because you feel uncomfortable or dislike me, right?”

 

“Um... No! Of course not!”

 

“If you do feel that way, can you just tell me instead of mulling it over alone?”

 

“Huh...?”

 

I poured out to Eun-ha the dilemma I had been grappling with.

 

“Look, I get that there are things we should be cautious about since you’re a girl and I’m a guy. But if there’s anything I’ve done to make you uncomfortable, I wish you’d be upfront about it. I want to hear your honest thoughts, Eun-ha. I don’t want to make assumptions on my own. So, please, be honest about your feelings with me. From Wednesday until today, Friday, I’ve felt like you’ve been avoiding me. I’ve been frustrated not knowing why, and it hurt that it seemed so sudden. These are my thoughts, and these are my feelings.”

 

As I spoke calmly, Eun-ha looked at me with wide eyes.

 

“Um... It’s not that... I just...”

 

“I’m sorry for bringing this up so suddenly.”

 

Eun-ha seemed as though she still hadn’t sorted out her emotions fully.

 

Pressing for an answer now would likely not yield her true feelings.

 

“You don’t have to answer now. Take your time to think it over and let me know when you get a chance. I’ll be on my way then. Have a good weekend.”

 

“Ah— Yeah... Take care, Han-gyeol.”

 

Given the circumstances, this was probably the best course of action for now.

 

--- The End OF The Chapter ---

 

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