Chapter 9

The maids who had been dozing off jolted awake at my sight.

Some even gasped in surprise.

“Oh, your face...”

“Sh-shall we wake Physician Crellin for you?”

I shook my head, declining their offer.

That wasn’t why I had come here.

I passed by the maids and placed my hand on Vivian’s door.

Just as I was about to open it, guards blocked my way.

“You need permission to enter. Even if you’re assigned as Lady’s escort...”

“Whose permission?”

“Lady Vivian’s permission, of course.”

“...”

As I silently stared at the soldier’s face, the sound of sobbing drifted out of Vivian’s room.

“...Who’s going to give permission in that state?”

“Then it’s not allowed. Please go ba—”

“—You, you know where I’m from, right?”

“...”

I didn’t want to argue like this. My body was weary from endless beatings.

I just wanted to meet Vivian quickly, say what I needed to say, and go back to rest.

So I resorted to threats, unlike my usual self.

“What’s your name?”

“...It’s Ron.”

“Ron, one day I’ll return to my homeland.”

“...”

“...And when I go back, I’ll probably inherit the Allen family. I’ll do my best not to forget your name until then.”

“...Uh... well...”

“But depending on your actions now, I’ll remember you fondly... or not so fondly.”

Ron blinked and awkwardly loosened his neck before speaking to me.

“A-at least, I must search you.”

I complied with the search.

Immediately after, I entered Vivian’s room without knocking.

—Thud.

Once inside, I quietly closed the door.

The room was dark; the candles were out, and the curtains were drawn.

If not for the faint moonlight seeping through the curtains, I wouldn’t be able to see anything.

But if I stayed still and listened closely...

“Sob... sniff...”

A familiar sound reached my ears.

I tightly closed my eyes.

So annoying… She has no idea how many sleepless nights that sound has caused me.

Vivian wouldn’t know how much frustration and anguish it has brought me.

The Duchess was right.

Vivian and I had quite a few similarities.

Maybe that’s why I hated seeing her cry even more.

Seeing her keep crying in a similar situation felt like she was telling me I should cry too.

I was trying to overcome it somehow, but she seemed to be telling me to just give up.

Using Vivian’s sobs as a guide, I crossed the room.

She was so lost in her own world that she didn’t notice me approaching.

Even though I walked loudly to avoid startling her too much, she didn’t notice.

“...”

Standing by Vivian’s bedside, I steadied my resolve.

I thought about what words to comfort her with... but gave up on all of them.

Come to think of it, we weren’t on terms to exchange kind words.

Besides, no matter how many gentle words I said, she’d only get angrier.

So...

—Thud.

I kicked her bed and asked,

“How long are you going to keep crying like that?”

The frustration that had been building up burst out in an odd way.

“!!!”

Vivian, who had been lying in bed sobbing, was startled by my voice and sat up.

Panting heavily, she slowly recognized me.

“...K-Kylo... Allen?”

“I asked, how long are you going to keep crying like that.”

“...Wh-why... are you... here...”

Ignoring her surprise, I continued to question her.

“What changes by crying? You’ve been sobbing nonstop for a month. How much longer are you going to keep bawling? Do you think someone will pity you if you keep that up?”

There was a long silence.

“...”

“...”

Vivian Rondor seemed to need time to understand why I was here and what I had just said.

Her face was hidden in the darkness. I thought that was fortunate.

If I could see her expression, it would have been harder to speak so bluntly.

Vivian, who was breathing in ragged gasps, finally spoke.

“G-get out. I don’t want to t-talk to you.”

“I’ll leave if you promise to stop crying from now on.”

“W-what does it matter to you? Whether I cry... or get angry...! Wh-what business is it of yours...?”

Oddly, I felt strangely at ease seeing her angry.

At least when she was angry, she didn’t look like a corpse.

“Because I can’t stand to look at it.”

“...What?”

“It’s pathetic seeing you cry over nothing all the time.”

Vivian was so taken aback that she couldn’t find words, only exhaling sharply.

It was the kind of reaction a sheltered noble lady might have when hearing such words for the first time.

After a moment, she shouted back with more anger in her voice.

“What... what do you know to say such things...? Whose f-fault do you think all this is, and you d-dare say that...!!”

As the conversation continued, her emotions grew more intense.

“D-do you even know what kind of mess I’m in because of your family!!”

There was a growing murmur outside the door. I didn’t care.

I just said what I wanted to say to Vivian.

“From where I’m standing, you seem to be doing just fine.”

“...What?”

“Sleeping in a warm bed, eating luxurious food—what exactly are you complaining about?”

Vivian, incredulous, asked again.

“I... seem to be d-doing fine...?”

“Yes.”

“...”

“...”

“Is... is there something w-wrong with your head...?”

In the darkness, I could hear the sound of her roughly pushing the blanket aside.

Unable to see anything, my hearing seemed to have become more sensitive.

Vivian’s voice was filled with deep emotion.

“When y-you sleep in a nice bed, d-do all your worries disappear? If the f-food is good, do all y-your concerns vanish...?”

“...”

“Even if you... e-end up like me, could you still spout such nonsense...? Even after y-your family is massacred!! Can you b-be happy just because you eat and sleep well!!”

“I—”

Vivian cut me off and continued speaking. Like a dam bursting, she poured out her heart.

“—D-do you know how it feels to stutter like an idiot and g-get beaten every day...? Do you know what it’s like to cling des…perately to something that shows n-no sign of improving!!”

She screamed until her voice cracked. Her emotions flared like fire.

“Even when I’m beaten, there’s no one to t-tell...! They k-keep pressuring me not to show weakness!! All the problems of the territory are m-my responsibility!! Why is everyone d-doing this to me, why!! What can I possibly do alone!!”

Though she was raging, to me, it seemed like Vivian was confessing what had been weighing on her.

It felt like she was finally letting out the things she wanted to tell someone.

In fact, I knew.

That Vivian couldn’t complain to anyone.

I knew because we’re similar. There’s no one to rely on, and the adults around us... were honestly terrifying.

Sure enough, she continued.

“All... all the adults look at me with disappointment...! If that’s the case, they could do it themselves...! I don’t know anything, I’m still learning!! I’m trying...!!! Sob...! I’m trying, but not a single person acknowledges it!!”

“...”

“It’s all... all because of y-your family... And yet, what...? I seem to be doing fine...?”

Her anger reaching its peak, she soon replaced those emotions with tears.

In the dim moonlight, I could see her figure slump down.

“Because of you... our family... sob... sniff...”

She wept quietly for a long time.

It seemed she was losing the strength to fight along with her tears.

As quickly as she had flared up, she cooled down, muttering as if talking to herself.

“I... don’t know anymore.”

“...”

“I d-don’t know. Why... do I have to g-go through this...? Why do I have to suffer because of you...?”

“...”

“Why do I have to protect Rondor...? When I don’t have... a single person on my side...”

Seeing her expressing weakness even to me, she seemed truly pushed to her limit. Perhaps that’s why I kept losing words to say.

“I’m... exhausted. It’s hard. I’m scared. I d-don’t want to do this anymore.”

“...”

‘...Can I... come over there too?’

Her monologue echoed in my head.

I swallowed and asked.

“...So you’re saying you want to die?”

Vivian didn’t reply.

Even that silence was response enough.

Once again, my emotions surged, and I blurted out.

“...Then die.”

The only way I knew how to converse with Vivian was still this rough manner.

I didn’t know any other way but to speak more harshly, more fiercely.

Vivian didn’t react. As if she truly intended to do so.

I continued.

“That’s right. Nothing will change for a while anyway, so you might as well decide quickly. Just as I can’t return home no matter how much I whine, it’s the same for you. This is reality. So if you can’t bear it... just die quickly. I don’t want to see you crying anymore.”

“...”

I had hoped she would retort angrily like before, but she remained unresponsive.

It felt like talking to a wall.

“...Ha.”

That feeling irritated me.

The Duchess, Royce Rondor... and even I have agonized so much over Vivian Rondor’s life, but she herself is ready to throw it away so easily.

The situation was absurd.

So I spoke with intention.

“But remember one thing clearly, Vivian Rondor. The moment you die... know this for sure.”

I bit my lip and steadied myself.

Fine, since it’s come to this... I’ll be the bad guy properly.

“...Our family crushed yours.”

Vivian’s body stiffened.

“Your death will make it certain.”

Her reaction was immediate.

She pulled me onto the bed, and climbed on top of me.

In the unseen darkness, her agitated hands scratched my face as she tried to find my neck.

Soon, her hands found my throat and began to choke me tightly.

Grabbing her wrists, I continued speaking.

“Urk...! Seeing how weak you are... your family must have been the same. You were no match for us from the beginning. Your mindset is weak.”

“Shut up... shut up!!”

—Drip, drip.

Something wet fell onto my face. I knew it was Vivian’s tears.

“Do you even know what a life of suffering that makes you want to die is like!!”

“I don’t know. Ugh...! Because no matter how hard it gets, I still prefer living. I don’t have weak thoughts like wanting to die because it’s tough...!”

“Sob...! Hic!!”

“You’re afraid of adults? Then go ahead and crumble. I’ll endure. Just five more years. By then, no one will dare to look me in the eye.”

My words were hurting her. I didn’t care.

“If you want to die, then die. I’ll help you. But don’t forget; it’s not our fault. Your death is just... just because you were weak. You’ll die the most pathetic death in Rondor.”

Through her hands gripping my throat, I could feel her shaking her head.

“My family wasn’t weak! I... I’m not doing this because I’m weak...!”

She, who had been bursting with rough anger, coldly spat out.

“Fine... if you still think I’m weak, then I’ll show you. What it’s like to feel to just give up. The life I’m experiencing... I’ll let you know.”

I replied, “Go ahead. I can experience a hundred times what you’re going through and still laugh it off. I won’t whine and cry like you... or pity myself, or think about wanting to die.”

Vivian then released her grip on my neck and yanked open the curtains.

Moonlight flooded into the room.

At the same time, she showed me her arms.

“Fine? Then first, I’ll make your body look like th—”

But she couldn’t finish her sentence.

It wasn’t just her bruised arms revealed in the moonlight.

My battered face was also exposed.

One of my eyes was swollen shut, cuts were everywhere. A molar was missing. Arms, legs, torso—there wasn’t a single spot uninjured. My clothes were soaked in blood.

Vivian couldn’t hide her shock at the sight of me.

She looked at me with trembling eyes.

Bruises from being hit with a rod were nothing compared to the bruises on my body.

She could probably guess why I ended up like this.

It was Vivian who had thrown me into the penal unit.

I spoke to Vivian, who was staring at me.

“I don’t falter over something like this.”

It was a lie. I was shaken. It hurt. I wanted to cry.

But to Vivian, I felt I had to say it this way.

I pushed her off and sat up.

Vivian was pushed aside powerlessly.

“I’m going to return home alive.”

I wiped away Vivian’s tears that had fallen onto my face.

“Try to hinder me all you want. Make my life harder than yours. I’ll show you how I overcome it all. I’ll prove that you were indeed weak.”

I looked into Vivian’s eyes.

If there was any consolation, it was that her eyes were different from before.

They weren’t the lifeless eyes from earlier.

Perhaps it was only natural after I insulted her deceased family.

I got off the bed.

“So watch.”

I spoke, looking at the speechless Vivian.

“Watch how I live...”

Her reddened eyes stared piercingly at me.

“Watch how I grow...”

As if making a promise, I continued.

“Watch carefully how I become strong.”

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

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