Chapter 15

I must have lost my mind.

-Clatter.

Throwing my spoon into the wooden bowl, I let out a sigh.

Even though it’s still morning, I’ve probably sighed hundreds more times already.

It was because of what happened yesterday.

“Haah...”

Swept up in emotion, I made an absurd proposal.

I don’t even know what came over me.

I volunteered to be an executioner for Vivian.

In other words, I might soon be killing someone.

My heart pounded at the thought.

I don’t want to kill anyone; it feels unsettling.

Maybe that’s why Vivian has yet to be able to sign the execution orders.

But seeing her being ignored by her own knights, and then crying because of it, I couldn’t just stand by.

I even stirred up her competitive spirit so she wouldn’t cry, but she ended up weeping because of some knight, which really irritated me.

That’s why, driven by emotion, I made that kind of proposal.

She seemed too unstable on her own, so I suggested we execute the prisoners together.

“Haah...”

I thought killing someone would come only after I became the head of the family.

I thought I’d experience it after turning at least eighteen.

But in reality, in a distant foreign land, at fourteen... no, soon to be fifteen, I might have to do it.

All because of Vivian—what a mess.

Why am I going this far just because I feel sorry for her?

I didn’t understand my own feelings; it’s all so complicated.

When I think about what she did to me, I don’t even want to see her, but I keep looking out for her.

Am I going to keep being like this while I stay here?

I sincerely hope not. I wished for something to happen that would make me lose all affection for her at once.

I sighed once more and picked up my spoon.

For now, I decided to set aside my worries and fill my stomach.

-Clunk!

The table shook for a moment.

Three boys sat down around me where it had been empty.

Three faces I’ve grown all too familiar with.

We’re together day and night; I might remember their faces better than my own siblings.

Balon, Willas, and Martin.

Even after sitting down, they said nothing—just glared at me as if they wanted to kill me, creating an oppressive atmosphere.

Letting out yet another sigh, I pleaded.

“...It’s morning; can we at least eat first?”

Contrary to my expectation of a response, the three remained silent.

In this unusual atmosphere, my hand stopped shoveling food.

Rolling my eyes back and forth, I asked.

“...What is it?”

The three exchanged glances as if pushing some task onto one another.

“Ahem.”

Finally, the chubby Balon cleared his throat and broke the silence.

“About, uh, what we talked about yesterday.”

“...?”

When I gave a puzzled look, Balon frowned and leaned in a bit closer.

“Hey, you know, when you said you wanted me to try using an axe.”

“So what about it?”

“...Were you serious?”

An awkward silence hung over the table.

I looked between the three, expecting some weird prank.

But nothing happened.

They were waiting for my answer.

“...”

Were they asking if I was serious?

I wondered if these guys were serious.

What the hell were they doing?

Unable to understand, I asked them directly.

“What are you up to?”

Balon turned to his friends as if the matter was settled.

“Ha, see? No way he was being serious. I told you we shouldn’t bother.”

Willas grabbed Balon, who was about to stand up.

“What are you giving up for? We haven’t even started. Just stay put.”

This time, Willas cleared his throat and asked.

He was gentler than Balon.

“Look, about what you said after yesterday’s sparring - You told Balon to try using an axe, and you told me to ease my attack force - What was that about? Were you serious, or were you mocking us? Did you genuinely give us advice?”

“…”

As I continued to doubt their intentions and remained silent, a flustered Willas added more.

“It’s confusing us. Your tone sounded like advice, but the content was so absurd. What’s this about attacking with less force? You need to hit hard for it to hurt the opponent, right?”

I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t want to say anything, but it was hard to hold back in the face of such foolish questions.

“…It hurts when you get hit hard with a wooden sword, but with a real sword, the blade cuts through due to its weight. Why bother using extra strength?”

“Oh?”

“Plus, when you try to swing hard, your movements become exaggerated. Your next attack is obvious. Who’s going to get hit by that?”

“You dodged my attacks by seeing them coming? I thought they were fast enough…”

“…And when you miss, you just stumble around. I’ve never seen an idiot as big as you.”

Willas smiled instead of getting angry at my sarcasm.

“See? He really was giving us sincere advice.”

Balon’s expression softened a bit. He stammered like Vivian as he spoke.

“S-So, should I really try using an axe? W-Were you seriously advising me?”

“…If you’re going to swing a sword like an axe, you might as well just use an axe.”

“Actually, I’m familiar with axes. My father was a carpenter. I used to help him sometimes.”

I looked Balon up and down. I wondered what he was thinking.

“If you’ve swung an axe before, you should use one. Why are you sitting there holding a sword?”

“Aren’t swords stronger?”

“…Forget it. Let’s drop it.”

Martin, the one with all the pimples, chimed in.

“Hey, Kylo Allen. You didn’t give me any advice. Don’t I get something?”

“You are… Ah, damn it, forget it.”

“Why!”

-Clatter!

I tossed my spoon back into the bowl and looked at them.

Only then did they blink, as if remembering the original dynamic between us.

“Why are you guys acting like this all of a sudden?”

I asked.

Balon ran his dirty fingers through his greasy hair as he spoke.

“…We should be asking you that. You’re the one who gave us advice yesterday.”

“You looked so ridiculous that I offered some pointers.”

“Weren’t you extending a hand to reconcile?”

“…Reconcile? After you three beat me like you wanted to kill me, now you want to make up?”

“Well, you beat us like you wanted to kill us too. Let’s call it even.”

“And now you’re planning to jump me again?”

“We’re not idiots; why would we pull that crap on you again? We can’t handle your revenge.”

I continued to glare at them suspiciously.

They seemed to have some ulterior motive, but I couldn’t figure it out.

They’d grumbled several times about their fathers being killed by my family, and now they suddenly wanted to reconcile? It didn’t make sense.

Especially considering all the fights we’ve had over the past few months.

Are we supposed to patch things up over a bit of casual advice yesterday?

Perhaps reading my expression, Balon spoke up.

“Let me be honest here.”

“…?”

“I don’t really dislike you.”

His confession was so absurd that it made me chuckle in disbelief.

“Then why did you beat me up? Do you know I lost a molar because of you?”

“Well, you looked like you’d be fun to hit. When else would I get to punch a noble?”

There wasn’t a hint of regret in Balon’s tone. Willas and Martin nodded in agreement.

It was ridiculous, but I kind of liked that they were straightforward about it.

I said to them, “You said you wanted to avenge your fathers.”

Willas snorted.

“That was a lie. I hated my father.”

“…”

“Honestly, I was glad he died. He used to beat my mother and bully my younger siblings. Before the war, he was drunk all day. Plus, he died not long after the war started. It’s been six years; I barely remember him, to be honest.”

I looked at Martin and Balon. They had similar reactions.

“There aren’t many people in the penal unit who liked their parents. We didn’t commit crimes for no reason.”

“We just made up an excuse to beat you up. Some of the guys here are orphans. They don’t even know who you are.”

Perhaps thinking that revealing the truth had patched things up between us, Willas quickly acted friendly and put his arm around my shoulder.

I pushed his arm away and said.

“You smell, so don’t touch me.”

Willas’ face reddened slightly in embarrassment, but he replied nonchalantly.

“Nobles are indeed different, huh? So, shall we make up?”

“When else would we get to make friends with a noble?” Martin added.

-Thud!

I stood up from the table.

Balon, Willas, and Martin exchanged glances.

But I still felt confused.

They seemed to have sorted out their thoughts among themselves and approached me, but to me, it was all so sudden.

“…”

But I was also getting tired of fighting with these guys.

Burger’s advice kept echoing in my head.

Just yesterday, Vivian had said that I would rot away on this land for the rest of my life.

I’ll be staying here for a long time, so I can’t live fighting like this every day.

The war only lasts a few years, and actual battle days are few... but I have to stay here for years, and I’m fighting battles every day.

It’s impossible not to get exhausted. I couldn’t even sleep deeply because I had to stay alert.

They seemed to feel the same way.

“…Haah.”

But that didn’t mean I wanted to shake hands and laugh it off right here.

I needed time. Time to find out if they were sincere or not.

So I left without accepting or rejecting their proposal.

Balon, Willas, and Martin just watched my back as I walked away.

* * *

A few days passed.

In the deep of night, Vivian was sitting at her desk.

The lit candle flickered, dimly illuminating the room.

In front of Vivian, who was taking deep breaths, lay the execution document, and in her hand was a seal.

Death.

It was still a heavy word for Vivian.

Having lost all her loved ones to death, the weight of the word was especially heavy.

Once she crossed this line, there would be no turning back.

Just as her deceased family wouldn’t return.

Would she be taking away someone precious to someone else?

Is there perhaps an innocent among the condemned?

She kept doubting whether it was right to end a life with her own hands.

-‘But I have to do it even if I’m scared. Otherwise, the adults will keep looking down on me.’

“…”

Vivian mulled over those words. A voice that remained clear despite the passage of time.

She took a deep breath and brought the sealing wax close to the candle.

As the wax melted and became pliable, Vivian slowly dripped it onto the document.

Now, before the wax hardened, she had to press the seal.

But as before, her arm started to tremble.

“Haah... Haah...”

She would be killing someone. With this, she would be taking a life. This truth would not change until the day she dies. She would become someone who has killed.

-Tremble!

Like stuttering words, Vivian’s hand kept shaking.

She resolved a hundred times or more to press the wax, but her hand wouldn’t move.

Like pushing and pulling, it kept hovering in the air.

-‘I’ll be the executioner.’

At that moment, Kylo Allen’s voice echoed in her mind.

He had worn an indifferent expression.

-‘Then we’d be killing together.’

Vivian was surprised at how much strength that gave her.

Gradually, her trembling hand steadied.

She wasn’t alone. They were together.

A magical phrase that halved her guilt.

“Whew...”

Vivian composed herself.

-Press!

Finally, she pressed the seal onto the wax.

The sun - the emblem of Rondor family - was stamped onto the execution document.

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

[TL: You can support the translation and read 5 chapters ahead of the release here on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/parth990 

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