Chapter 11

Several months had passed. I was soon turning fifteen.

There had been changes during that time.

Since the day Vivian and I had our quarrel, she frequently roamed outside.

The servants viewed this new behavior positively.

Considering she used to be holed up in her room, this was a dramatic change.

She no longer cried easily, attended her lessons enthusiastically, and even went out for walks.

No one knew why she had changed.

Some said she was starting to manage the castle, others believed it was due to her education, and some thought her complicated feelings from losing the Duchess had finally healed... but I knew the truth.

Vivian was wandering around the castle to see me.

At first, I was uncertain, but as time passed, I became sure.

At least once every two days, she would search for me.

Upon finding me, she’d watch over my situation with sharp eyes... and after she’d seen enough of me struggling, she’d leave.

She seemed curious about the circumstances I was in.

It was as if she wanted to find out where the confidence behind my harsh words came from; What kind of training I was enduring.

What my position was within the penal unit.

What I ate.

Where I slept.

How smelly my clothes were.

What I did in my daily routine.

How others treated me.

From time to time, she’d approach near me, glancing sideways as she gathered information about me.

To be honest, it was humiliating.

I, who was once the eldest son of a great northern family, felt ashamed to show that I was living a life worse than a street commoner.

When she caught me ravenously devouring food that looked like dog food because I was hungry, scrubbing the floors with a rag, doing menial chores like a maid, or scurrying around, it was hard to lift my head.

Especially so in front of Vivian. Perhaps because my relationship with her was complicated. There were many days I didn’t want to show her my shabby state.

I almost wanted her to understand this humiliation.

But I didn’t feel only shame.

At some point, I began to look forward to her visits.

It was a strange feeling.

I didn’t want to show her my pathetic state, but at the same time, I found myself waiting for her...

I thought about the reason, and it seemed that, to some extent, it alleviated my loneliness.

Just knowing that someone was watching over my hard daily life gave me inexplicable strength.

Normally, I would have had to endure all this alone.

I was suffering all by myself without anyone acknowledging it.

But now, Vivian, who was in a situation similar to mine, had begun to see me like this.

She was becoming a witness to what I was going through, and how much effort I was making to endure.

That became a slight comfort in my difficult daily life.

It was an embarrassing but undeniable fact.

—Scrub, scrub.

Today again, I was sitting by the water, washing clothes.

Then I listened to the commotion arising behind me.

I heard the steady footsteps of a few soldiers approaching from afar.

“…”

Pretending not to care, I continued with the laundry.

Turning my head slightly to the side, I caught sight of Vivian’s red hair.

She was glancing around with a stern expression.

It was all too clear that she was looking for me.

Moving her steps and continuing her search, Vivian finally found me.

She watched me sitting by the riverside, washing clothes.

“...”

“...”

Several months had passed, but since that day, we hadn’t had a proper conversation.

It was just a series of days where we watched each other from a distance.

Though no words were spoken, a considerable amount of information was exchanged.

That’s how much we were keenly aware of each other.

Vivian, having found me, froze in place.

I wiped the moisture from my upper lip with my arm and stared at her.

...I wonder what kind of trouble she’ll cause today.

Vivian didn’t just turn back after finding me.

No matter what I was doing, she’d slightly bother me before leaving.

Lately, I even thought she was venting her inner frustration through me.

During the last swordsmanship training, she ordered me to face two opponents at once.

The other day, she came to inspect the Penal Unit and bumped into my shoulder as I was receiving my meal, spilling my food. I had to go hungry all day.

The day before yesterday, I suddenly got into a quarrel with a sentry, and I saw red hair fluttering behind a nearby pillar. Only then did I notice the sentry’s uncomfortable expression.

Today was no different; Vivian whispered something to her escort.

The soldier looked back and forth between me and Vivian, let out a short sigh, and approached me.

“Doing laundry?”

“...Yeah.”

He took a deep breath and looked at the basket containing the washed clothes.

—Thud!

With a single kick, the basket fell into the river, and the clothes started floating downstream.

“...Damn it.”

If I lost all the clothes, I definitely wouldn’t get to eat today. Getting beaten up by the other boy soldiers was also a given.

Vivian shrugged as she looked at me glaring up at her.

“...You seem to be living comfortably.”

“...”

Instead of continuing an argument with her, I quickly jumped into the river to retrieve the clothes one by one.

Not only was I soaked, but now I’d have to redo some of the laundry.

Vivian sure knew how to annoy someone.

—Splash!

After a while, I threw all the soaking wet clothes onto the rock.

Then, catching my breath, I looked up at Vivian.

She was quietly watching me gather the clothes like a wet dog.

“...”

Of course, I was the one who confidently told her to try bothering me.

But seeing her acting so triumphant was a bit irritating.

Father always said: If you get hit, you have to hit back.

“Is this fun for you? Is this all you can do—”

I finally opened my mouth to say something to her.

“—Pfft.”

Vivian let out a light laugh as she saw me in this state.

“...”

I was at a loss for words, staring blankly at the cute way one corner of her lips curled up.

It was a facial expression I’d never seen before.

I’d known her for months, but it was the first time I’d seen her smile.

Usually, I’d only seen her crying, angry, or blank expressions.

Maybe that’s why the shock of her smiling was doubled.

It wasn’t even a natural laugh.

It was a smile filled with ridicule and contempt.

Yet, even so, I froze at that sneer.

Vivian looked at me for a while as if watching a wet dog, and then, seeming relieved, turned and left.

“...”

Only after she left did my frozen body start to move.

“...Ha.”

Recalling how I lost my words like an idiot, I sighed and reproached myself.

...But lately, I feel somewhat wronged.

I’m the only one being watched.

She keeps saying that I’m living a comfortable life.

Whether that’s true or false, only she who watches me knows.

It feels like she’s the only one wielding a weapon and beating me up.

She doesn’t cry much these days, nor does she act as if she’s dying.

Because of that, my sympathy has faded. As the sympathy faded, I sometimes craved revenge at times like this.

“...”

I thought for a moment.

It was time to bring about some change.

...Come to think of it, is there anyone watching over her?

****

Vivian entered her room and suppressed a smile.

The expression Kylo Allen had when the clothes he was washing floated down the river was still vivid in her mind.

No matter how much she thought about it, it was exhilarating to see him jumping into the river like a fool, scrambling to gather the clothes.

She felt good as if she had scored a point against the detestable Kylo Allen.

There was no lingering discomfort about having bothered him.

After all, Kylo Allen had told her to go ahead and try. To torment him as much as she wanted; he could endure it all.

Perhaps that’s why she now wore a light smile.

Also, lately, Kylo Allen had been living too peacefully.

A few months ago, he had been injured all over from severe beatings, but now he had fully recovered.

Rather, it was Vivian who still carried bruises.

She was still receiving harsh punishments from Madam Linne because of her stuttering.

So Vivian tormented Kylo Allen as well.

Because her life was undoubtedly harder.

She didn’t want to see someone who lived comfortably approaching her and complaining about how tough things were.

—Knock, knock.

As she sat there, a knock was followed by the door opening.

Madam Linne entered.

“Lady Vivian.”

“Ah, w-welcome.”

The expression that had relaxed due to her satisfaction with Kylo Allen darkened again in no time.

Who could smile knowing they were about to be endlessly beaten?

It wasn’t just the beatings; the fact that someone was listening to and evaluating her speech was still uncomfortable.

It never became easier to expose her own weakness to others, making her feel like a fool when Madam Linne evaluated her.

The resolve hardened by her anger toward Kylo Allen had been waning lately.

Of course, thinking about what he had said still made her angry, but continuous punishment and the passage of time had dulled some of it.

Perhaps because of that, her lessons with Madam Linne had also become burdensome lately.

No one acknowledged her struggles.

She had to endure and persevere alone.

She had to solve the disregard from the vassals, the pressure from the adults, and her own problems all by herself.

Even months after her mother had passed away, no one appeared whom she could rely on.

What if there had been someone like her late mother, someone who listened to and understood her hardships?

Just having someone listen to her would have eased her heart.

Knowing there was someone who recognized that she was struggling would have given her strength.

...She was still lonely, and this loneliness ate away at her day by day.

Madam Linne broke Vivian’s train of thought.

“Well then, let’s begin the lesson—”

—Bang!

But at that moment, the door opened without a knock—

“I told you not to do this...! You can’t just act on your own like this...!”

“I’m Vivian Rondor’s guard; why can’t I be by her side? Will you take responsibility if something happens to her?”

—Then Kylo Allen burst in.

The soldier trying to stop Kylo looked at Madam Linne and Vivian through the open door.

Meanwhile, Kylo, who didn’t show even a hint of caution, continued to stride into the room.

Madam Linne frowned at Kylo, who seemed to have thrown manners to the wind.

“...Kylo Allen. I’ve heard that Northerners are barbaric, and I can somewhat understand now. Do you know how impolite it is to enter a lady’s room without permission—”

“—Be quiet. I didn’t come to see you.”

Madam Linne was so taken aback that she couldn’t say anything.

Had the situation not been so absurd, Vivian might have chuckled at Madam Linne’s flustered expression.

Kylo Allen plopped down on a chair in the corner of the room.

“...”

Vivian couldn’t understand why he had appeared here.

Just like that night, he did so many bewildering things to her.

Even after entering the room, he took no further action.

He didn’t seem to care about the gazes directed at him.

Eventually, Vivian spoke first.

“...W-what are you doing?”

“Guarding you.”

“...”

She was curious about his intention in suddenly bringing up being her protector.

It couldn’t really be for protection; he must have some scheme...

“...”

Vivian looked at Kylo Allen’s pants, which were soaking wet.

Was he showing up like this because she had bullied him earlier?

As Vivian stiffened and couldn’t relax her expression, Kylo sighed and stood up.

In just a few months, Kyle had grown taller.

They used to be about the same height, but now he was about two finger-widths taller.

Kylo approached and whispered, looking down at Vivian.

Linne couldn’t hear what he whispered.

“...I thought about it, and it feels a bit unfair.”

“...?”

“You’ve been watching me lately, so you know how much I’m struggling... but I don’t know exactly how much you’re struggling.”

Vivian could only continue to stare at him without any retort.

“So I decided to watch you as well. You said I seemed to be living comfortably, so I got curious about how difficult your life must be.”

“Wh-who said you could watch me?”

“I’m your guard. It was your mother’s last wish. I can do as I please.”

Unlike before, it felt like their positions had reversed. Just earlier—or even a few days ago—she had been the one toying with Kylo Allen, but now she felt anxious.

There were countless things she didn’t want him to see.

She didn’t want him to witness her stuttering and getting hit repeatedly by Madam Linne, or getting scolded.

The thought of Kylo Allen judging and mocking her speech made her even more reluctant.

So she retorted sharply.

“A-a guard can stay outside the room—”

“—Hey.”

But Kylo cut her off like a knife.

“...You said living is harder than dying. Was that a lie?”

“...”

“Let me see for a bit, too. That’s only fair.”

Vivian was speechless.

In the end, it was just an excuse.

He was clearly harboring ill will because she’d bothered him a bit lately.

He was spouting such sophistry, full of thoughts of coming to mock her.

Vivian resisted further.

“F-fair? What fairness? I don’t care about fairness. I can do as I please, but you can’t. If you don’t leave right n-now, I’ll call the guards to drag you out—”

“—Ah, but.”

As she threatened to have him removed, he interrupted.

“Well, if you don’t want to show me, I’ll just leave on my own. I understand; it must be embarrassing.”

Even as he said he’d leave quietly, he kept running his mouth.

“You’d be embarrassed to let me know you’re living a life that’s not all that hard, right? No one wants to be caught exaggerating their troubles.”

“E-exaggerating?”

At those words, Vivian felt her anger flare up again.

If he really knew what she was going through, he wouldn’t say such things.

“Yeah, exaggerating. That’s why you don’t want to show me, right? Got it. I’ll leave—”

“—Fine, then stay here.”

Without even realizing it, Vivian had fallen into his trap before she could control herself.

“...”

At that, Kylo smirked slyly.

But Vivian didn’t care.

Kylo Allen wouldn’t know.

His life seemed tough, but Vivian still felt her own life was harder.

A little bit of bothering wouldn’t tip the scales.

So whether it was provocation or whatever, Vivian decided to accept it.

Fine, she had told him that night she’d show him her life.

She had said she’d show him how hard it was to live.

She had promised to teach him what it meant for living to be harder than dying.

From now on, Kylo would come to know her life, and each time, she’d share that suffering with him.

If she got beaten by Madam Linne, she’d inflict the same punishment on Kylo.

If the maids gossiped behind her back, she’d make Kylo suffer something equally hard.

That way, he’d understand her life.

At first, Kylo’s proposal had seemed absurd, but the more she thought about it, the more it seemed like an opportunity.

“F-fine, you watch and decide whether I was exaggerating... or if I was going easy on you.”

Vivian spoke firmly to Kylo.

At her words, he took a seat on the chair from earlier.

Vivian turned to Madam Linne.

“Please ignore K-Kylo Allen.”

“...”

“Pretend he’s not here and let’s continue the l-lesson.”

.

.

.

—Smack!!

“...”

But it didn’t take long for Vivian to regret her decision.

She had to grit her teeth and endure the rising irritation.

Because behind her, Kylo Allen was smirking as if mocking her every time she was hit.

...To think he’d come all the way here just because she laughed at him earlier.

‘As expected of the Allen family—petty to the core.’

– – – The End of The Chapter – – –

[TL: Join Our Discord for regular updates and have fun with other community members: https://discord.com/invite/SqWtJpPtm9 ]

Support Author

Join Discord